Back to December...

“ We are witnessing in our day the birth of a new age, with a new structure of freedom and justice.
Now, as we face the fact of this new, emerging world, we must face the responsibilities that come along with it. A new age brings with it new challenges.... First, we are challenged to rise above the narrow confines of our individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity. The new world is a world of geographical togetherness. This means that no individual or nation can live alone. We must all learn to live together, or we will be forced to die together... Through our scientific genius we have made of the world a neighborhood; now through our moral and spiritual genius we must make of it brotherhood. We are all involved in the single process. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. We are all links in the great chain of humanity... We have before us the glorious opportunity to inject a new dimension of love into the veins of our civilization.”
~MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.

January 12, 2004

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Thank you everyone for your New Year’s wishes. I do appreciate your support across the ocean!

Truly, last year seems worlds away. It’s only been a little over 3 months, but it feels like a lifetime. I guess that’s a sign that I’m living fully!

These past few months have thrown so many challenges to my perceptions – of myself, of other people, of the world in general. I see myself struggling to put things/events/experiences into a certain framework of understanding in my mind. And right when I think “Okay, I get it now”, something happens or someone says something that shows me that the safe little box I put that event into doesn’t quite fit. The ego has taken many blows, and I have been humbled many times.

Guilt and confusion

For a certain period, this led to great feelings of guilt. Guilt at simply being me, and at having had a privileged life that included travel, education, friendship, a culture that promotes psychologically sound child-rearing and education and self-improvement, parents that listened to my feelings, a childhood where I was free to play and explore and just have fun, comfort, clean water, a bathtub, electronic appliances and electricity, processed food that I didn’t have to grind up myself (and I used to turn my nose up at processed foods! Bring on the canned spaghetti sauce!). I especially felt guilt for being a woman who knows freedom – of thought, of choice, of mobility.

Then, my wise old dad sent me an email saying: you can’t change the world, and you can’t change Togo. It’s up to the Togolese to change things for themselves. What you can do is show them what Freedom to decide is all about.

I’m learning that I don’t understand much of anything about the ‘ways of the world’. There are so many theories about international relations, and how the North keeps the developing countries in the South poor and underdeveloped. Some argue the current economic order is simply another, more disguised form of Colonialism. Honestly, some of the things I’ve learned here about the links that exist between African countries and their former colonizers, has made me feel sick. People really do horrible, horrible things to one another. This sounds very naïve. Yet, I think there’s a difference between reading and learning about certain things, and actually seeing it first hand: seeing the real people who are involved, those who are affected, and those to whom it has all become ‘normal’ . I see how I lived in such a bubble with my life in Canada. There’s this huge world out there, and I am a part of it, and the abundance I know in my country is in part contributing to the poverty in the majority of the world. I don’t understand and I don’t know how to explain this to myself.

In the lap of luxury...

The other thing is that I went on vacation to Ghana, which is much more developed than Togo. Arriving in the capital of Accra, I felt as though I had suddenly been transported to Europe. There were huge paved 3 lane highways, beautiful new buildings, less garbage and less pollution, nice cars, women unabashedly wearing pants, and no one blinking an eye at my skin colour… We ended our week of vacation staying in a Canadian woman’s gorgeous apartment, which was as nice as a 5 star hotel!

What this taste of home brought up for me (and for my 2 companions as well) was that a large part of me did not want to go back to Togo. I did not want to see and experience the poverty, dirt, pollution, inefficiency, and constant attention for being a white foreigner. The whole atmosphere in Togo is stagnation, and a resultant frustration, on many levels. The most common phrase I hear is “Au Togo, ça ne marche pas” = “in Togo, it’s just not working”. Whereas in Ghana, a conversation with a friend’s elderly father reflected the hope, pride, and a sense of movement towards a happy goal. He said, with a light in his eyes: “Here in Ghana it is good! We have FREEDOM!!”

So, this brought up a certain sense of guilt in me for wanting to turn a blind eye to the hardship here. Guilt that I have the freedom to leave, to go home, to go back to my life in Canada.

I AM CANADIAN!

In a more balanced frame of mind (!!), I became aware that my trip to Ghana put me in touch with my identity as a Canadian. Spending a week in a more “Western” environment, surrounded by Canadian friends (and other ‘white’ travellers we met along the way) helped me to remember that I do have a life back home. Canada is where I come from, and there are things waiting for me when I get back. I appreciate so much the abundance I’ve known. It was rather grounding for me to remember this. I think previously I had felt so much guilt that I thought I needed to completely shed my identity as a Canadian and be willing to give it all up and join the Togolese in their struggles. I thought I had to ‘shed my roots’ and the life of abundance I had known, in order to make myself ‘okay’ and acceptable amidst the Togolese. However, as much as a spiritual goal may be to remain unattached to certain roles and identities, I understand now that I need a certain grounded-ness, a certain role or identity with which to define myself at certain times; because as much as I am not these identities, they are still a part of who I am.

I am learning...

And so, this is where I find myself at the dawning of a new year.
I am learning that with abundance, privilege, and education come power and responsibility. I pray that I may wield these tools wisely and with compassion.

“We are here to live the mystery; not to try and figure it out.” (Deepak Chopra)

... on to Febuary